Boss like a mother, mother like a boss

Emma Draper knows what it’s like to follow her gut instinct.

An entrepreneur with a portfolio that includes property and angel investments, she established her now 3,000 square foot women’s clothing and gift store, Velvet, in Brighton in November 2000.

The intervening years have been full of the challenges that many female entrepreneurs face: running a business while raising three boys, wrestling with vulnerability, and facing both divorce and illness along the way.

This one’s for you if…

• You’re someone trying to “have it all” and feel like you’re failing

• You struggle with being vulnerable with others

• You need inspiration to trust your team more

• You’ve faced health challenges like Long Covid

Watch this episode

Here are nine takeaways from the conversation:

1. You are your first customer

When Emma moved to Brighton, she couldn't get the things she wanted. She spotted a gap in the market to offer “glamorous stuff at really good prices” that her customers couldn't find elsewhere.

“I thought, “There's a need here. There's a need for me.” And thank goodness, an awful lot of people thought the same.”

Emma swore she’d never follow her parents into retail, but as soon as she opened her first shop, “I knew within the first day, this is it. This is what I do. This is what I love. I love people. I love buying for women. I just loved it.”

2. What are you fascinated by?

Our passions can reveal our future direction. Emma has always had a deep fascination with what women wear and how they present themselves.

“I can't walk down the street or drive without looking at what women are doing and what they're wearing. It's an obsession.”

This passion for understanding women drives her desire to make her customers feel comfortable and confident. "Clothing and makeup can be a bit of an armour, but we understand that, and I think that's an empowering thing. We talk a lot about making women feel good about themselves."

3. Think glass balls and plastic balls

Women are regularly expected to “do it all” and run a business, be a great mum, go to the gym, and take care of their partners, family, and friends.

But Emma has learned the hard way that it’s not actually possible to do it all, let alone look after yourself at the same time.

A trick she’s learned is to think in terms of glass balls and plastic balls.

“I can't drop the glass balls. My boys have got to be picked up from school. This has got to happen. And certain things in business have got to happen.

And then drop those plastic balls that don't really need doing.”

4. Being kinder to yourself is key

In the face of so much pressure to be perfect, Emma advocates self-compassion, knowing first-hand how women are way too hard on themselves.

“I think the most important thing is that we don't beat ourselves up. Everyone has their awful days, their shit days. But we have good days, too, and I think they're the ones to remember.

And just do your best. That has always got me through, thinking, “Okay, I'm doing what I can, and my kids are still alive. They're at school. They might have had a bit of a shit dinner last night, but you know, they're not gonna die from that.”

5. Show your customers how much you care

In a high street full of competitors, getting to know your customers on a personal basis sets you apart. You go beyond empathy to forge true connections.

“We know exactly who they are and how we help them. We call ourselves “joy givers”. We know their dog’s names and their baby’s names, and we know where they're going on holiday.

This is how they talk to us: “Oh my god, my arse is big and my tits are big.” Or “I've got to breastfeed,” or “When I've had dinner, I feel bloated. What clothes can I have?” Understanding women's self-image is really important. It just might make their day.”

6. Vulnerability can be hard. And that’s okay

Emma admits that she didn’t show vulnerability for a long time.

Being in a customer-facing industry, she knew that her energy “set the pace” for her team, even when she struggled with the stress of a divorce eight years ago.

“I thought I would break. I still had a business to run, and I couldn't express myself. I wasn't ready.

I'm not gonna do it when leading meetings and stuff. But I have learned that I need to tell them when things aren't good and listen to them when they're not good, on a one-to-one basis.”

7. Through adversity can come clarity

None of us want to go through tough times. But it’s inevitable that we’re going to be hit by things that are out of our control.

Emma has learned a lot of financial lessons through both the recession and Covid, and lost her spark. But the biggest impact on her business was becoming divorced, which turned into a game changer.

“I realised then that the “why” was bigger than ever before. It was horrendous, but I knew I wanted to provide for the boys.

I wanted to be that person for them so that, you know, if we needed things, I could do it. It was the pivot. I changed everything from the ground up to make the business better, leaner, and way more successful.”

8. Your health and your family are everything

Emma went from ultramarathons to losing over a year to Long Covid, barely able to work for two hours a day. She also had a life-threatening event with her child.

Her experiences have had a profound effect. Now that her energy is back, she’s more conscious of looking after herself and has gained a new perspective.

“It stopped me, which gave me a lot of time to think. You know, sometimes these things are so awful that, when you're dealing with the day-to-day life in your business, it’s dealable in comparison. It’s okay. The worst has happened.

And that is the key to inner strength; you can get through the dark times and hopefully come out the other end much more positive and in a better way.”

9. Give your team the chance to step up

Emma has evolved her management style over the years, with some members of her team being with her for 16 years. They’ve shared the highs and lows of the business together, empathising through shared experiences of depression and burnout and celebrating incredible successes.

But her health crisis forced her team to step up like never before - and for the better.

“I thought, “They're capable of so much more than they think they are.” So I restructured all their jobs and rewarded them for it. And now they're literally running the business. And last year was the best year ever.”

Which proves that success comes from finding the right people - and then getting out of their way as they step into their own zones of genius, too.

Emma reminds us that paying attention to what you’re passionate about and when your needs aren’t being met can give you a deep understanding of customers.

She also reveals her own struggles with vulnerability, losing her way, and how she’s overcome her challenges with growing self-compassion and support.

We know so many members of our community also struggle with growing a business while raising a growing family. It’s why we focus on helping mid-life founders explore their needs and tune into what excites them in our Vision 20/20 programme.

Have you lost your spark? What might you accomplish if you dropped what was unimportant and rediscovered what you love?

Notes

Thanks to Emma for her time. Find her on Instagram and visit her store at https://www.velvetstore.co.uk/.

If you’d like to find the work-life balance that works for you, our next tribe of our Vision 20/20 program starts mid October.