It’s not about business plans. It’s about belief.

You’ve decided to change.

You’re driven to find a new professional path, but you’re struggling to take the next step.

As an experienced professional or entrepreneur, you’ve accumulated the skills, but now you’re doing something new.

And so fear kicks in.

What got you here isn’t going to get you there.

It’s time to go from the inside out to overcome self-doubt.

On this Friday Fireside, we were joined by hypnotherapist and author Dipti Tait, a respected clinical psychotherapist, Solution-Focused hypnotherapist, and mental health lecturer.

She’s a frequent guest on TV and radio, and her book, Planet Grief: Redefining Grief for the Real World, draws on both her own professional and personal experiences and her clients’ stories.

She shared her perspective on self-doubt and limiting beliefs and how we can overcome them.

This one’s for you if…

• You grapple with self-doubt and limiting beliefs that hold you back from pursuing your goals

• You want to be more intentional about the kind of energy you’re bringing to your day

• You’re unable to move forward in the face of too much choice

• You want to better understand the subconscious drivers behind your decision-making so you can take back control

Here are nine takeaways from the conversation:

1. Our subconscious is in the driving seat

We think we’re behind the steering wheel when it comes to our thoughts and actions. 

But Dipti uses the analogy of a SatNav to explain how our subconscious mind is really the one driving our thoughts and actions, while the conscious mind is just the ‘sat nav’ giving directions. 

“So if you think of it that way, the subconscious is driving everything. If we know that, we can then work on that level.

The sabotaging thoughts or the limiting beliefs, they'll all be programmed into our subconscious .. from somewhere way back.”

This means we need to work at the subconscious level to create real change.

2. Self-doubt is driven by a subconscious ‘fear sandwich’

Many of us struggle with self-doubt at times. It’s part of being human. Dipti suggests that self-doubt is only the surface problem, though - the part we’re aware of. 

We need to examine what's driving it in our subconscious.

“Beneath the surface, there’s a layered ‘fear sandwich’. If you think of those massive American sandwiches where they've got like a hundred million toppings, there's like a layer of something, fear, something, fear, something, fear.

It could be anxiety, loneliness, self-doubt, lack of confidence, a lack of focus, or demotivation. 

All of this adds up to this kind of mess, basically, and it's all essentially emotional overwhelm, which is actually grief.”

3. You’re not at the mercy of emotional thinking 

Our emotional mind, where fear, anger, and anxiety live, has evolved to keep us safe, not make us happy. Dipti suggests that we train our logical mind to examine our fearful emotions. 

“When we find ourselves saying things like, ‘I'm not good enough, I can't do that, why me?’, the emotional mind thinks it's telling the truth. But it's not telling the truth with today's awareness and understanding. 

What we have to do is train our logical mind to stay on board, cross-examining the emotions and saying, ‘Come on, give me the evidence for this thought, tell me exactly why this is true.’

And eventually, it can't. There's no truth or substance there because we're talking about something from the past that might have been there to protect us when we were seven.”

4. Break overwhelm by reducing your options   

After working for others, working for yourself can feel liberating .. too liberating. When we can do anything with our time, we can become paralysed by indecision.

Dipti shared a great story of her son's meltdown in a sweet shop to illustrate how we can become overwhelmed by too many choices. 

He would leave empty-handed until Dipti said he could only have milk bottles.

“Just look for the milk bottles. And then he'd be like, ‘OK.’ He would look for the milk bottles. He'd find them. And then his brain would go, ‘Ah, I don't really want the milk bottles, I want the aniseed balls.’ 

His brain would go, ‘Oh yeah, that's what I want,’ because we've limited the choice, we've given him some focus and direction, and now he's able to say, ‘I don't want that, I want this instead.’”

Reducing our options can help us find clarity over what we do want.

5. Spotlight, floodlight, neon light, campfire

What kind of energy do you need to bring to your day or an experience? Dipti offers a brilliant metaphor of shining different types of light to describe flexibly directing our focus and energy:

“So sometimes I might feel like, ‘Oh, I'm going to be very ‘spotlight’ today’, because this requires spotlight, you know, it's focus.

Or, ‘I'm going to be very ‘f'loodlight’ today because I need people to see and hear everything I'm saying.’

Or ‘I might be a bit ‘neon sign’ because I need to get out there quickly and attract attention.’

Or, ‘Today I'm going to be a bit ‘campfire’, where I'm just going to gather the lovely people I want around me around the fireside.’”

Using these metaphors allows you to choose what kind of energy you want to bring to your day.

6. Give yourself permission

We all want to be happy and successful. Right? 

On the surface, yes. But Dipti notes that we often sabotage ourselves by not giving ourselves permission for success and joy. 

She suggests having ‘a conversation with yourself’ to identify and reframe the inner voice denying us what we want.

“It's not about trying to delete that thought or pretend it never existed, because that thought was keeping us safe at some point, and it's really valuable.

It's about recognising, what was the positive purpose of that thought? And then recognising that we can rephrase, reframe, redefine that thought and replace it with a more empowering belief.”

7. Do you know how you do want to feel?

We all want to avoid pain. But according to Dipti, while many people can articulate what they don't want, they struggle to define what they do want instead.

“If we don't have a reference of what we do want, how is the brain going to know what to go for, if that makes sense?”

Change isn’t simply about eliminating the things we don’t want in our lives, but moving towards the things we actively desire.

8. Fear can become fuel

Our fears often hold us back. But what if we’re not afraid of what we think we’re afraid of? Her clients often come to her with fear-related issues but

“They're essentially fearful of the fear itself. They're fearful of the anxiety; they're fearful of the emotional overwhelm; they're fearful of the grief. 

And if you learn how to deal with fear, you understand you're not trying to delete it, avoid it, or get rid of it.

You're working with it and using the fuel that fear can give us. 

If we can redivert and redirect fear to propel us forward, it then works with us. Traditionally, fear is something that will pull you back, hold you back, or stop you, right?

It will say, ‘No, don't go there.’ But what if we can learn to use fear as fuel?”

9. True safety comes from within 

One of the most obvious ways to stop feeling fear is to feel safe instead. And society tells us that we can be safe if we toe the line, earn a certain level of income, and are successful.

But if you’re a purpose-led founder, you’re choosing a different path. So where can our sense of safety come from?

According to Dipti, we can cultivate an inner sense of safety by learning to actively relax. Not by sipping a cocktail by a pool, but by noticing the little things that soothe our nervous systems (known as ‘glimmers’) rather than triggering more stress. 

And by cultivating inner relaxation by switching on your parasympathetic nervous system when you choose to.

“If you can relax on demand, you’re safe .. When you find your own safety, you're always going to be fine. You're always going to be all right.”

Being a founder or entrepreneur can be a scary process, but you don’t have to do it alone.

Join our community, dip your toes in with a Masterclass, or dive into transformation at one of our life-changing events.

Notes

Many thanks to Dipti Tait. Her books, Planet Grief: Redefining Grief for the Real World and Good Grief: A Companion to Change and Loss are available at all good bookshops, and her hypnotherapy app Dipti is available on iOS and Google Play.