Build a human to human business
As much as lawyers and accountants will tell you that businesses are independent legal entities they are, in the end, a bunch of humans working together for some reason or other.
We’re hardwired to connect but in this hyper-individualistic world, too many have forgotten how to do it.
Some of us need a playbook to help us.
Not just to connect to others but also, first and foremost, to ourselves.
Andy Chaleff is a mentor, self-love advocate, podcaster, and award-winning author.
Carlos and Laurence spoke to Andy recently about his latest book, The Connection Playbook: A Practical Guide to Building Deep, Meaningful, Harmonious Relationships.
It’s full of gems about feeling dissatisfied with corporate life, completely starting over, choosing a life of service, and using your gifts when you’re highly sensitive.
This one’s for you if…
Your life has taken several unexpected turns and you now want to give back
You don’t know whether to call yourself a teacher, coach, or mentor
You want to own your sensitivity more and accept your high level of empathy as a superpower
Your gifts have been born from challenging experiences
If you want to write a book that serves as your legacy
Here are nine takeaways from the conversation:
1. Superpowers can be born from adversity
As the origin story of so many fictional heroes can confirm, some of our real-life abilities can be forged in challenging circumstances. Andy's difficult childhood cultivated his ability to read people's energies deeply.
“You're just surviving, but you're surviving in a way which is helping you develop this capacity to understand and see things more deeply.”
This incredible empathy and sensitivity has since become the superpower that now forms the core of his work.
2. Create your living legacy
When we move towards the second mountain of our lives in midlife, the need for contribution can ignite us. Andy writes books not for financial gain or outcomes, but to leave a legacy of service that aligns with the person he wants to become.
"I write because that's my legacy in terms of the life and service I want to give while I'm alive."
3. Are you a coach or a mentor?
Andy calls himself a mentor rather than a coach, and explains it this way:
"A coach can be a great coach and just inquiry. A teacher is more, 'Hey, do this this way.' The combination was what I felt the mentor role was; a very strong understanding of principles, ways to work, ways to operate, that'll prove to be more effective over time - with the capacity of inquiry for someone to discover for themselves.”
4. Give meaning rather than look for it
Many of us spend time looking for meaning, especially through our work. Andy’s take on it is different:
"I feel that life is inherently meaningless. And then I feel like I can give meaning to life through the meaning I decide to give it."
By feeling free to give our own meaning to life, we can start where we are rather than endlessly seeking something that’s beyond our reach.
5. The authenticity trap
During our Vision 20/20 program we encourage people to tune into their needs so that they can be more themselves more of the time.
But we agree with Andy that putting off our happiness until that time can be a problem:
"This belief that in the end, they should find something where they can fully be themselves .. I see a big trap there."
6. It’s all about connection
When people first come to our annual Summercamp, they attend as many talks and workshops as possible.
But as old hands will attest, just as much magic can happen while you’re queuing up for breakfast. And it echoes Andy’s further observation about purpose:
“What if life was us just being here present with one another and enjoying each other's company? And, no more than that?”
7. Feel the feels
The more we open up to what we need, the more we can open up and feel generally.
Being vulnerable can be hard. Especially if we’ve developed a mask to cope with corporate settings. But Andy’s learnt to accept and express his emotions honestly, rather than repressing them just to appear professional.
"I wasn't going to step away from the emotion but that took a lot of self-love and being okay with that, that pain is okay."
8. Write to understand
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the thought of writing, whether it’s a blog post or a book.
But Andy shared that it helps him to better understand and refine his own thinking first and foremost.
"Writing anything is you write it to clarify your own thoughts more than for somebody else. Because as you’re writing it, you’re like, 'Oh my God, but all of this is meaningless if I don’t address this.'"
9. Don’t let your behaviours define you - or anyone else
Many of us want to make a change - or help others to make one.
Andy sees the process as dropping beneath the layers of behaviour, feeling, and thought, down to the belief underpinning it all.
But he doesn’t fight, deny, judge or try to fix what he finds. He knows that doing so will knock him off-balance and out of connection with who he’s with.
“And then, not needing to resist it means that I'm just feeling centred with you.”
And feeling deeply connected to who we’re spending time with is the greatest reward of all.
Andy’s journey is a reminder of the nature of serendipity, what happens when you allow your life to change, and the power of combining all of the different experiences in our lives into something that truly helps others.
Do you want to connect with others who also want to make a positive impact in the world? Come along to an event, join our community, or learn more about our Vision 20/20 program.
And build new relationships that support more effortless impact.
Notes
Thanks to Andy for his time. His other books include The Last Letter: Embracing Pain to Create a Meaningful Life and The Wounded Healer: A Journey in Radical Self-Love. You can check out his website here.
If you’d like to find the work-life balance that works for you, our next tribe of our Vision 20/20 program starts March 2024.
