Finding joy by doing good
Making an impact is part of leading a meaningful life. But it can often feel like a struggle.
Many of us can feel overwhelmed about where to start, whether we’re making a difference, or guilty when we try to take a break.
But what if we could all make a positive impact in a way that matched our energies and motivations?
What would that mean for the world?
Could it meet our need for meaning in our lives while stopping us from burning out?
When it comes to thinking about meaning, we’ve found The Map of Meaning by Lani Morris and Marjolein Lips-Wiersma to be really helpful.
They talk about working with meaning as working with the tension between ‘being and doing’ and ‘self and others’.
The work is to be aware when we’re off balance and to know what to do to redress it.
The great balancing act
On this episode of the Friday Fireside, we explore our own perspectives on these challenges alongside Terry Doloughty and Kumaran Mani.
We talk about how to find fulfilment and positively impact others while maintaining balance and avoiding burnout in our efforts to do good and still be happy.
This one’s for you if…
You’re tired of arbitrary metrics and prefer to stay present and be guided by meaning
You often end up sacrificing yourself, leading to obligation and exhaustion due to a lack of boundaries
You’re looking for a powerful alternative to chasing grandiose goals
You want to balance your needs with making an impact so you can serve others effectively and sustainably.
Here are nine takeaways from the conversation:
1. Self-awareness can fuel contribution
When we want to start giving, it’s easy to lose ourselves in what needs to be done. But as Carlos notes,
"The more we have self-awareness in business, in social enterprise, or in any initiative project, and the more knowledge we have, the more likely we'll do something that will benefit ourselves and others."
Self-awareness means we know our motivations, which allows us to offer our gifts in a way which is a win-win rather than through self-sacrifice.
2. The paradox of helping others
When we want to make a positive impact, we want to do everything we can - which can easily lead to over-committing. Terry Doloughty reminds us that,
"A part of this is also that “no” is not a four letter word."
Helping others in a sustainable way requires setting healthy boundaries. Saying no is not selfish; it helps you preserve your energy so you can keep giving in the long run.
3. Why we sacrifice ourselves
But why might we avoid setting boundaries? We’re a social species, and we want validation and approval from others. As Terry points out,
“If you're coming up from scarcity, or the thing you're doing hasn't existed and you're making it happen, that validation is empowering. And if you don't have that in any other part of your life, you're going to hold on to it.”
We’re more likely to sacrifice ourselves when we lack approval elsewhere. By building our self-worth, we’re more able to reduce the need to find purpose solely through helping others.
4. The journey from obligation to freedom
Terry works with a lot of community volunteers and leaders. And he has witnessed many people go through the arc of passion to obligation to regret.
"I ended up trying to catch people on that curve because if you're not stopping and asking that very important question, “Why am I doing this?” or “Can I continue to do this?" .. those unscheduled burnouts are horrifically impactful.”
Taking the time to check in on how we’re feeling about the work we’re doing avoids us falling into unnecessary obligations, and stops a passion from becoming a burden.
5. Turn dreams into habits
When faced with so many big challenges to address, it’s easy to feel powerless. But as Kumaran Mani points out, transforming goals into small, sustainable habits makes them more achievable.
“The goals are so heavy that you keep saying, ‘I'm not done yet, I'm not there yet’. And the small goals become big goals. And there's a depth of goals, you know, which becomes a burden.
So I just switch it to small habits. And the compound interest of that joy gets you there. It pushes you there.”
6. Do what lights you up
By doing what makes your soul sing and attending to our own needs, Laurence reveals how our actions can come from a place of greater integrity.
"By committing to living this life of aligning our work with our values, trying to check in with our needs, evolving this work to keep it interesting and fresh, and not doing it for the wrong reasons, it's coming from a place of, ‘This is my gift, this is what I can offer the world, and this is what I believe the world needs’."
7. Choose meaning over metrics
Having goals can work for some of us. But for others, like Laurence, they can be anxiety-inducing, especially if they have metrics attached to them.
“These are things that I find a) hard to reach, so you feel shit when you don't reach them, and b) I lose sight of the day to day, so I find myself being less present. And being present is a need of mine.
And so personally, I found that when we're chasing a goal, it's all about the destination, not so much about the journey.”
Sometimes it’s good to detach from measurable outcomes. Our sense of fulfilment often comes from the meaning we find in our actions, rather than chasing arbitrary targets.
8. Find what’s yours to do
We all have a finite amount of time on this earth, and sometimes we need to remember that we’re not alone in wanting to make a positive difference. As Carlos reminds us,
"The more of us that do that stuff, that find our lane, find our work to do, and don't feel like we have to do other stuff that isn't even ours, then the better impact we'll all make together rather than just being one person trying to save the world."
Finding what’s ours to do and doing it well means that we can contribute more effectively.
9. How can you make this effortless?
Ultimately, knowing ourselves - what we need, and what we’re good at - helps us to find a more sustainable balance between being and doing, and between self and others.
And it’s less about our gifts than finding ways to share them regularly. Kumaran helps hundreds of people by guiding them to start in IT, offering his time for free, from a place of deep humility;
“What I kind of realised slowly is that I don't have too many gifts to give. I know what I know, which is very little. And I needed to find ways to give this effortlessly. And to me, that's from learning about ourselves."
What small acts might you do with great love, in a way that you find meaningful and sustainable?
Finding the balance between meeting what the world needs and what will allow us to keep contributing sustainably is always going to be a balancing act.
But developing our self-awareness, knowing what’s ours to do, and understanding our motivations all help us find ways to make an impact - without burning out.
Are you looking for support and structure to discover more about yourself and what’s yours to do in the world? We’re currently taking applications for our next Vision 20/20 program.
Join us and kickstart the next phase of your journey towards doing good and being happy.
Notes
Many thanks to Terry Doloughty and Kumaran Mani for joining our call.
If you’d like to find your deeper purpose at work, our next tribe of our Vision 20/20 program starts March 2024.
